The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
