i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
