I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
