At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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