Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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