I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
