So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
