No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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