help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
