Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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