i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
