I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
