He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I AM VODKA MAN
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
