He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
