Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
