lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
