Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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