____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So squirting runs in the family.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
