she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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