So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
