"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
