He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
They have beer where we have blood.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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