I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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