Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
