My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
