Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
