God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
not ubering you a puppy
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
