I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my being single is dangerous.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Randomize
