i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
