I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
