did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
