Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
