Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
