I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
