Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
