Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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