When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
