dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
