I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
