u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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