What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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