If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
