i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
