He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
