My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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