after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
