That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
