I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
