The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
