He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
